The Dilemma
by secretxlittlexdarling
Summary: Tony starts thinking about his life and love life and comes to a solution. What is life meant to be? - The Song "The Dilemma" - You Me At Six, brought a hint to the whole story. Please review ! Thanks  :


**Hey there (: **

**Please don't judge me. I am so not used to write fanfics anymore…and especially not about Tony & Ziva… this was my first…well the first with Names and a somewhat plot based oneshot… And please review I need to know if it's worth to continue writing. **

**Now enjoy !**

It was a day like any other. Tony DiNozzo sat on his desk and was filling his paperwork. At least that was what he was supposed to do, yet he was again bickering with Ziva and mocking McGee. Nothing unusual at all. Yet today something seemed different. He couldn't quite point his finger at it, but he had this feeling. A gut feeling, just like Gibbs always had one.

"So McGoo got a date?" he tried to tease McGee who was typing away on his computer.

"Why do you care?" he just ask, not looking up or stopping his work.

"I mean if you need advice you can always ask me." Tony wriggled his eyebrows. At this McGee shot Ziva a longing look that she might as well should help him out there, after all she was Tony's partner.

"Tony, why do you need to spy on everyone's love life. You should work on yours first before you judge the others." That was like a slap in the face for him and actually made him shut up.

It shut him up because he may be a womanizer, but he also had many failed relationships. Some he regretted, some he wanted back, some he hoped he had never gone through with. Not to forget his one night stands.

One of them was Jeanne…he had to do it, it was his job. But he regretted it. On one hand he wanted so badly that it would be something more, that the relationship would've survived somehow. But on the other hand he wished he hadn't even gotten in a relationship with her. It wasn't the fact that she wasn't nice or his type, but it all was based on a lie, and he couldn't continue living that lie.

In the end he told her the truth and was left with the consequences. A new Tony. He hadn't just changed because of the break up. He had matured with her. He didn't needed girls anymore, he needed a woman now. Just like Ziva had told him.

Then there was EJ, she was different. She was definitely not a girl. She was a woman, even if Ziva wouldn't admit it. With her he thought it could work out different. But the nagging feeling didn't leave his gut, it stayed and quite often reminded him. Therefore the relationship was risky. Tony wasn't even sure if he could call it a relationship. They were for sure more than just friends or working partners, but yet they never really reached the level of becoming the other half, soulmates.

Both cared for each other, but thinking about it Tony came to the solution that it would be better to stop instead to wait for something that would never come, or would only slightly touch them. He simply said gave up on love. And being judged by his father didn't made it any easier.

Thinking about fathers his mind brought him to Gibbs. Gibbs was there, always. Not just for him, but for every of them. All together he was a father for the team. For a family, it didn't matter that the DNA is different. And Tony found his place in this family.

He returned from his thoughts as Ziva threw a paper ball at him, she was smiling, but her eyes spoke for themselves. She was worried about Tony. Not just today, she had observed him changing over the years, and she couldn't stop thinking about the big change that recently had happened.

Jealously had burned in her when the thing with Jeanne happened and she was glad as it was over, although she had to deal with a broken Tony, something she wasn't used to. Then again he was her partner. She would have his back no matter what. Just like he had with her, even though she was fighting it and wouldn't believe him. Trust him.

Ziva could see Tony get up and leave the bullpen, from the corner of her eyes. Debating if she should following him or not, her heart won and without realizing it she was already following him to the one place where everything between them seemed to be solved. The men's room.

"I thought you wouldn't come." He said, after she had locked the door.

"Why would I not come?" She just answered, enough to reassure him that she had his back. "What is going on?" she whispered, moving to his side.

"It's nothing." He sighed and finally looked up, not at her but at the mirror.

"Tony you know I am always there for you. I will have your back, always, just like you have mine. And I know we have some trouble with trusting each other. But that can be solved." She put her hand lightly on his upper arm.

"Yeah I know that, but I guess you can't help me with this. I have to figure this out alone." He answered frustrated.

"And what exactly is 'it'?"

"My life. Love life. Just everything." He said harshly. And Ziva felt guilty for having said that comment earlier.

"It is because of what I said isn't it?" she said calmly.

"No."

"Then what?"

"What you said…it made me think. And you're right. I have messed up quite a lot. Jeanne, then EJ…and my father is mixed into that whole thing. Wanting to be proud although I'll never be enough for him. He always will find a reason to not approve my choices, whether it's woman, my job, or everything else."

"I know Tony… But you can not let that get you. You are Tony DiNozzo, a very Special Agent." He smiled slightly at her comment. "And you do not have to be perfect, you are just human after all. You are allowed to make mistakes. This is your life, you make your own choices and learn from the consequences."

"Wow. I would never have thought you would say that a human being didn't need to be perfect." He joked.

"I said you do not need to be perfect, not that I did not need to." She joked with him.

"But you are perfect" he whispered.

"I am not. My father wants me to be, but he got no control over that anymore. I had to learn that I can't be perfect the hard way. And my father still needs to learn that." She shook her head a little suppressing the tears that were coming up.

"You are Ziva. You are perfect in your own way." He took hold of her hand and was waiting for her to look at him.

"You grow up fast." She laughed quietly trying to lighten up the mood.

"Only because you helped me. "

"Like I said, I will always have your back." She smiled an turned to leave. But before she could leave the room Tony grabbed her wrist and spun her around. It was like a reflex, a spur of the moment thing, but he had kissed her. Just like that. He didn't realized what he was doing, until it hit him hard.

It always had been Ziva. She was there no matter what, she had his back, at work and outside of work. She could relate to him in so many things and she didn't judge him one bit. With her he felt whole. No secrets, no act. He was free.

"Wow." Ziva was shocked and surprised.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I am probably-" He was cut off by Ziva who kissed him lightly.

And that was when he realized that his life wasn't a dilemma. He could rely on her like she could on him and that was a relationship needed.


End file.
